All strong marriages that I know of have been tested severely. Husbands and wives who experience suffering, pain, misunderstanding, and temptations can rise above it and enjoy a marriage that is beautiful and enduring. How each partner reacts to crises is a key. Over the past 25 years of pastoring, I have asked husbands and wives to share with me secrets to their long and happy marriages. One couple married 50 years said, “We’ve been married 50 years now, and it’s more beautiful and better than ever.” They are the experts. Couples like them have something to say that I want to hear. Allow me to share some of their advice for a long lasting, fulfilling marriage.

First, never use the “D” word. Even in your most heated moments never use the word divorce. A young wife confessed, “I wish now I had never used the word divorce. We have been married five years and we argue a lot. Things got pretty bad one day and I blurted out, ‘I think we ought to get a divorce.’ We were both shocked at first. We had not even thought of divorce until then. But the seed of divorce had been planted. It was easier to say it the next time. The seed grew roots that finally strangled our marriage.” Many who have been divorced say the same thing. (See Proverbs 18:21)

Second, don’t clam up! Open up before you blow up. Don’t think that intense disagreement means there is trouble in your marriage. Be honest when you disagree. Express your hurt. Learn to communicate your feelings. People who look for a perfect relationship are heading for disappointment. (See Ephesians 4:25-26)

Third, never make your spouse the subject of your jokes – publicly or privately. Those who poke fun at their mates may think it is “just joking”, but it is not. It could reveal a spirit of anger or malice. Respect your mate. Never put them down in front of others.
Fourth, practice complimenting each other and do it often. Partners tend to measure up to the compliments paid them. Who doesn’t need encouragement and words of appreciation? (See Feb 3rd article, “Better Than Roses”)

Fifth, Set each other free. It has been said, “If it’s really love, set it free and it will always return.” If it doesn’t, it wasn’t love from the start. A husband confessed the secret of his enduring marriage. “I believe it is my privilege and duty to create an atmosphere in my home in which my wife can reach her full potential. She, in turn, helps me reach mine.”
Jealousy is the most smothering human passion known to man. The most fulfilling marriages are those in which both husbands and wives commit their love to God’s keeping and set each other free to grow. Not freedom to flirt or fool around, but to take on new challenges and set new goals.

Sixth, learn to say, “I’m sorry.” And mean it! Love, according to the Bible is learning to say, “I’m sorry.” We must also learn to say, “I forgive.” Jesus said that the forgiveness of God depends on our forgiving those who trespass against us. (See Mark 11:25-26) You may never forget, but you must forgive. And we must avoid bringing up the past. (See Proverbs 25:28)

Seventh, never walk out when things get difficult. We have no right to shut out someone who loves us. Keep the door of your heart open at all times, to accept help. (See Proverbs 25:28)

Eighth, keep the joy flowing. “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10) Strong marriages should abound in joy and laughter. Husbands and wives who no longer laugh and play together are losing love for each other. Marriages are suffering from too many somber husbands and sad wives. Yes, there are problems and trials. But life goes on. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. Enjoy today. Enjoy each other. “A merry heart doeth good like medicine…” (Proverbs 17:22)

Ninth, never turn to a third party in time of trouble, unless it is a professional counselor or pastor. There is always someone eager to console a hurting husband or wife. And when there is no one to talk to at home, many seek a friend, “just someone to talk to.” That is where much adultery begins.

Lean on Jesus. No one understands like He does. Husbands and wives should be best friends. They should lean on and confide in one another. (See Proverbs 20:17)
Tenth, the couple that prays together stays together. It’s more than a cliché; it’s a tried and proven principle. Consult God about every detail of your marriage. Adam and Eve brought deceit into their marriage and then tried to hide from God. God never hides, only man does. God was involved in the first marriage and He is just as concerned about your marriage.

Marriages without at least one partner who keeps close to God have less likelihood to succeed. You need a hotline to heaven. Human love alone is not strong enough to keep marriages strong, only God’s grace and power can do that. God’s grace, mercy, and power is healing and keeping marriages today. Divorce is usually the result of one or both partners losing their faith. Where Jesus is King, the marriage can make it.
Have you made Christ Jesus the Lord and King of your life and marriage? He has the power to make your marriage work. Receive Him and believe Him today. Jesus is the solid rock Matthew 7:24).

“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in thine heart, that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved…” Romans 10:9-10
Make sure your marriage is built on a solid foundation, the Rock, Christ Jesus. God’s shalom be on your marriage.