Please allow me to briefly share some key elements that we feel are essential to a lasting and loving marriage.

First – COMMITMENT was the first word that came to both my wife and I when I asked her opinion. Unless a couple goes into marriage with the understanding and determination to be committed for life the marriage is probably doomed to failure.

As we stood before God and those in attendance 35 years ago, we vowed “to have and to hold from this time forward; for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish ‘til death do us part; according to God’s holy ordinance and to this I do pledge you my faith”. God takes those vows seriously and so must we. When you are tempted to give up, remember those vows. Commitment means faithfulness and loyalty to each other in good times or bad. It means each serving the other – each is giving 100%.

Second – COMEDY is a great lubricant and elixir for a loving, lasting marriage. We too often take ourselves and things too seriously. Be a fun person to live with. Learn to laugh together and at yourself. Good clean humor is healthy. “A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones” (Proverbs 171:22). We pastored a church years ago, where Grant Wood’s “American Gothic House” is. The famous painting shows a weary looking couple holding a pitch fork. I always thought they needed some joy in their life. Thankfully they were only models, not a real couple. “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10).

Third – CHANGE is necessary and inevitable in a lasting, loving marriage. There is only one who never changes – that is God who is perfect. We must be willing to change some of our preconceived notions and expectations concerning marriage and our roles. There can be no growth without change.

There are constant seasons of change in marriage. Physical, financial, social, and family changes can either make you or break you. Be committed to each other and God. Trust in the One who never changes. His grace will see you through.

Fourth – COMMUNICATION is another key element. Someone said that we will either open up or blow up. Intimacy grows through communication. Be an encourager. Communicate needs, dreams, and activities of your day. Some things should be confidential between a husband and wife. Sometimes my wife just wants me to listen without trying to solve the problem or giving a lecture or opinion. Pray together! That’s the greatest communication to do together.

Fifth – CONTENTMENT is an essential element to a happy marriage. “But godliness with contentment is great gain” (I Timothy 6:6-11). Those who always think “The grass is greener on the other side”, fall into financial and marital woes. Don’t’ seek to imitate Hollywood but instead imitate God. Work toward a reasonable standard of living but fulfill God’s purposes for your life. Be satisfied with your spouse not a Hollywood fantasy. Ultimate contentment is found in a personal, living relationship with Jesus Christ. (Revelation 3:20)

Sixth - CHRIST is the true rock and foundation of a lasting and loving marriage. Jesus is the great example of self-sacrificing love needed in a marriage. The Word of God tells us, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her . . . let each . . . love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:22-23 NASB).

Christ Jesus gives us the grace to forgive each other. “And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32 NASB). Christ is the only sure foundation upon which a lasting, loving marriage is built. He is our refuge, our redeemer, the true bread, and light.

If you are weary, worried, or have wandered away from Christ, don’t quit. Come to Jesus today in faith, repentance, and prayer. Jesus can give you a loving, lasting marriage and everlasting life.

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you shall find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-20 NASB).