In communicating to that special someone, wisdom knows what not to say as much as what to say. Proverbs, God’s book of wisdom has much to say about the tongue. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21

Beautiful roses have thorns that must be avoided or else they can inflict much pain. They must be handled with care. I have gleaned from friends, reading, counseling, and some from personal experience, things “not to say to your spouse, as well as things to say that are better than giving dozens of roses.

First consider some things not to say: “It’s your fault.” “You’re fat.” “What’s wrong with you?” “You just don’t think.” “You’re just like your mother” “I told you so.” “That’s dumb.” “Can’t you do anything right?” “All you ever do is complain.” “Can’t you be more responsible?” “You always do this.” “You never help.” “I can’t do anything to please you.” “That outfit makes you look fat (or ugly).” “You’re such a baby.” “Do you always have to be right?” “That’s stupid.” “If you don’t like it, you can just leave.” “I just don’t understand you.” “I have a headache.” “You wouldn’t understand.” “Maybe we should consider a divorce.” “If you really loved me you’d do this for me” “Why isn’t dinner ready?” “Just leave me alone.” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

I just read about a thrifty young woman who became concerned over the lavish amount of money her boyfriend was spending on her. After an expensive dinner date, she asked her mother, “What can I do to stop him from spending so much money on me?” Her mother replied simply, “Marry him.” Perhaps that is an unfair generalization, but sadly too often true. God has made our spouses with a deep craving to be loved and to be constantly assured of that love.

Now consider some things to say to your spouse that are better than roses: “I can’t believe out of all the men you could have chosen, you chose me.” “I’m sorry.” “Forgive me.” “I’m proud to be married to you.” “You make me feel good.” “I trust you.” “I love your smile.” “As always you look good today.” “I will always love you.” “I love your freckles.” “It’s nice to wake up next to you.” “Good job.” “That was a delicious meal.” “That was really great.” “You are wonderful.” “You look gorgeous today.” “I’m glad I married such an intelligent and talented person.” “I wanted you today.” “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” “I’m glad I married you.” “I appreciate all of the things you’ve done for me all these years.” “You come first in my life, before the kids, career, friends, anything.” “How can I help you?” “Thank you for loving me.” “I was wrong.” “What would you like?” “Thank you for accepting me.” “What’s on your mind.” “Let me just listen.” “I can’t imagine life without you.” “Pray for me.” “I’m praying for you today.” “I value every moment we spend together.” “I wish I were a better partner.” “Let’s make a date tonight.” “I just wanted to call to tell you that I love you. Let’s go out for dinner tonight.” “Let’s buy you a new outfit. You deserve it.” “Let’s go away for a day, just the two of us.” “I love your mother.” “(Include a note with a gift) Just because I love you.” “Honey, that ‘dish’ is better than my mothers.” “You’re beautiful today.” “I just called to say that I’ll be late getting home, don’t worry.” “I’m glad you’re my favorite person.” “You’re a great mother.” “I know you can do it.” “I love you.”

Go ahead and cut your own roses, they are more fragrant when they are fresh cut. They don’t cost anything, but when given with sincerity and love they pay great dividends and give much pleasure.

True love is more than an emotion or feeling. It’s an act of the will that comes from a heart filled with God’s supernatural love. How can we guard our tongue and make sure we say and do the right thing by that special someone? As a rose must abide in the plant to grow, develop, and become a rose, so we must be in Christ and abide in Him, for His life and fragrance to flow out of us.

Christ says, “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in me. …for apart from me you can do nothing.” (See John 15:1-3)

There is something better than roses. Receive God’s love by receiving God’s Son. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever shall believeth in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” (See John 3:16, Romans 10:9-10) Communicate His agape love to that special someone.

“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, it does not seek it’s own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASV)

Give something even better than roses. Communicate love, for love is not love until it is given away. Shalom.